Filed from the Department of Unscheduled Survival. Two uninvited visitors. One catastrophic customer-service incident.
The complete account appears in the grimoire. Officials advise against reading it.
LOCAL PAIR DECLINE
TO DIE ON SCHEDULE
Micah & Rae take on a dungeon with a customer-service problem. Management unavailable for comment.
OUR DUNGEON CORRESPONDENT
OWL DENIES
EVERYTHING
An owl employed by the Department of Unscheduled Survival has declined to explain how two visitors brought the entire dungeon to a halt using three quarters and a toilet key.
Micah and Rae entered through a laundromat. They left through a loophole. A photocopier was unavailable for comment.
Witnesses describe the boy’s sandwich as “structurally uncertain” and the girl’s approach to locked doors as “persuasive.” Neither qualification appears in the Department’s approved survival handbook.
At press time, reception was still referring all enquiries to a supervisor. The supervisor was referring them back to reception. Both desks have requested a larger desk.
are important
to us.”
- EXHIBIT A
- One disputed sandwich
- EXHIBIT B
- An oversized brass key
- EXHIBIT C
- Extremely bad service
THE FULL ACCOUNT
TERMS & DISMEMBERMENT
A dungeon. A very bad sandwich. A supervisor with a brass key. Read the complete adventure of Micah and Rae in the grimoire.
Eight chapters of administrative menace, questionable machinery, and the stubborn belief that two people ought to leave together. The official report is much shorter. It says “unexpected.”
EDITOR’S NOTE Names have not been changed. The Department has requested that we change the ending. We have declined.
WANTED
LISTENERS
No experience necessary.
A library account is your invitation.
Apply at the nearest comfortable chair. Curiosity preferred. The ability to stop after one chapter is neither required nor expected.
CONNECTION DETAILSPERSONAL NOTICES
LOST: ALL SENSE OF TIME
Last seen at the beginning of an excellent audiobook. If found, please do not return until the chapter is finished.
Also inside: a railway to elsewhere, the art of disappearing, and a practical guide to finding your way back.
To the reader still saying “just five more minutes”: we have held the presses for you.
FOUND: ONE BOOKMARK Discovered between “one more chapter” and sunrise. Slightly embarrassed. Answers to the name of Good Intentions.
SMALL ADS.
Large problems.
FOR SALE: ONE PLAN
Lightly used. Abandoned immediately upon contact with reality. Buyer collects from reception.
MISSING: LEFT SOCK
Last seen before the floor opened. If found, please reassure it that the laundry is no longer our biggest problem.
POSITION VACANT
Acting assistant to the acting assistant. Must enjoy forms, owls, and extremely limited advancement.
PERSONAL
To the girl with the brass key: good thinking. To the boy with the sandwich: surprisingly, also good thinking.